She’s back …

15 Mar

I think it has been nearly a year since my last post … I suppose you began to wonder what happen to me … or maybe not … Nevertheless, I am back.

I always do better when I can process my thoughts in writing, and I always enjoy, often anyhow, sharing my ponderings.  When I do, I am often offered perspectives I had not considered, and those perspectives typically give me a whole new outlook on my circumstances.  This often allows me to manage a little bit better because of it.

Many of the folks I know are aware that my family has recently found ourselves in the  midst of a life changing crisis.  So many of the stages and changes we face in life, we elect to participate in.  Even when we suppose we don’t, we do.  We choose to do whatever it takes to be part of a high school or university graduation.  We elect to attend college to begin with.  We choose to move … choose to take a new job … choose to get married … sometimes even choose to have a baby (although in my experience, they sometimes just show up…)  There are, however, life-changing moments you do not choose.  You cannot plan for them.  You don’t take time off of work, or set money aside to cover the expenses, they just happen.  Often these are not the kind of life changing experiences you would choose to be a part of.

This month, this has been what my family has faced.  On Ash Wednesday, February 22nd, my mom suffered a hemorrhage as a result of an aneurysm in her head.  As uncommon as it may be, this is the second time for us.  She had had the same vessel rupture about 10 years ago.  Despite our experience, nothing about this experience was predictable or anticipated.  Suddenly plans to attend church services, work schedules and everything else was thrown aside as my husband and I and my sister and her family drove desperately for 2 hours to reach the hospital where my mother was at with no idea of what to expect.

I praise God for providing me with the man he did to be my husband.  There is only one person in the world who can soothe me like my mom and it is him.  What a blessing to have him with me on this drive.  Desperate calls were sent out to any and every person of faith I could think of for prayers.  How amazing to see the Body of Christ in action … no kidding … the Lutherans, Pentecostals, Baptists, Catholics, Methodists and more were on their knees with one call.  She even received long-distance prayers via a healing service an hour and a half away from her bedside.  It was through these prayers, scripture that was sent via text, hymns and songs of praise and my husbands strength and love that I managed to function at all.

Over the course of the last three weeks we have gone from pleading for  her life and fearfully answering every phone call to an assurance that she will be “OK”.  Today, we prepare ourselves for what “OK” may look like.  While we yearn for an immediate reversal, instantaneous answers and healing today – we know that the process will be slow, but with the right care and love, she will be very much back with us in time.

In the meantime I have learned to love my mom in a new way.  I have found ways to express affection while spooning pureed food and simultaneously holding her up with the respect a mom deserves.  I have had the chance to spend an inordinate amount of quality time with my dad … possibly more individual time than we have ever had in my life.  I have learned to see my relationships with my kids differently and harbor the hope that someday I can mean as much to them as my mom does to me.  I have had the chance to tackle real-life with my sister, and although we are regularly ships passing in the night (since she does weekend shift, while I do weekday shift) we are able to collaborate on this task and even see things the same way 🙂  I see my husband in a whole new light and now can imagine he and I as an older couple.  While there are some scary aspects of that, I have found tremendous peace knowing that God has truly blessed me with the other half of myself in him.

I am ready for this moment to be over, and move on to the slower pace that I failed to appreciate before.  However, I feel so blessed to be able to see God’s gift in this very difficult time, and I am hopeful that as we travel down this road, I will continue to see the blessings God is providing me each and every day …

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