“Man Up” Mean Girls

1 Sep

An Open Letter to all the “Mean Girls” out there:

First, the little girl mean girls.  I have it with your ugliness.  I am tired of working hard to build up my little girls and working diligently to try to help them see the gifts and beauty that God has created in them simply to have it unraveled by you.  What would possess you to holler “Loser” at a little girl walking to her car or to call an adorable little girl “fat and ugly” when she rides her bicycle by you?  Did these children do something that was somehow deserving of this kind of unkind behavior.  No.  If they made you mad, let’s talk about what they did so they can apologize and move on.  If you are sad about who you are, stop being so mean and you will have a super swell girl for a friend who will make you feel great about yourself.  Most of all, don’t think you are fooling anyone when you do your cute girl walk and your “Eddy Haskel” wave for me – I know who you are – I’ve seen the real you in my little girls’ tears.

“Teacher” Mean Girls, the folks who are in the position to serve as role models and leaders for children – whether you are a scout leader, youth group leader, teacher or neighbor lady – stop being a bully.  Don’t compensate for your inferiority complexes by picking on my kids.  They are awesome kids.  They are beautiful, smart and funny.  You don’t have to “bring them down a notch”.  Trust me, there is a whole line of people eager to do this for them in life, you don’t need to do it yourself.  Your barbs and jabs.  Your cutting and embarrassing comments in front of the other children cut them to the core.  Is that really your intent?  Do you elect to work with children so that you could destroy them?  Don’t let them break the rules, hold them accountable for their actions, but do your job (even if you are volunteering) and uplift all of the children.  If you have issues with me or if you just have your own issues – take it elsewhere and deal with it directly not by crushing the confidence of another generation.

Boss Mean Girls – If I haven’t made it clear before, and I don’t think I have, I am not just talking about girls – either in age or gender.  There are plenty of older people who are mean girls and plenty of males that are mean girls.  One of the places they seem to so regularly appear is on the job.  I have about had it with the ugliness that is spewed at the man I love.  While he is not perfect – are you? – he gives 100% to whatever job he does.  He works hard to be enthusiastic about your stupid products.  He works at home trying to think of new ways to do a better job for you.  If your boss is being a dork and being ugly to you, go talk to your boss don’t take it out on the guy below you.  if you actually have an issue with something he’s done, well then deal with that issue.  I bet you read comic books – you seem like the type – consider Spider Man – “With great power, comes great responsibility” – don’t abuse the power that you have gained but use it to mentor your employees, make them stronger and you will succeed beyond all measure.

Mom Mean Girls – here is where we are going to hit my sorest point.  I fantasized when I was younger that moms with strollers and who went to play dates where a snuggly bunch to hang with.  To be honest, however, I don’t think I have been around a more vicious group of people.  I want to be clear, not everyone is this way – I have some exceptionally wonderful friends I’ve met in my mom world who are truly role models in kindness and charity.  However, some of the cruelest and most unkind things have been done to me by mom “friends”.  When you run in mom circles – playdates, girl scouts, children’s activities at church, neighborhood moms and any kind of homeschooling mom thing – you need to brace yourself to relive whatever bad high school clique experience you had.  Sometimes I think that high school ugliness was easier because normally the high school mean girls where more direct.  The MO of the Mom Mean Girl is to commiserate during your rough days, to watch your children when you are sick, to do the “good friend” deeds and then cut you when you aren’t looking.  I have literally stood in the rain, after discovering a “friend” had asked to have me removed from a volunteer position, begging for an explanation.  A favorite tool of these moms – your children.  I have had Mom Mean Girls deride me (behind my back) in front of my children.  (Do you really think they are going to take your side?  You only hurt their hearts.)  The best part of the Mean Girl Moms is that they will never, ever directly tell you that they don’t like you or something you’ve done.  Typically they argue they don’t want to be mean. – Really?!  Be honest, you lack the fortitude to deal with your issues directly.  (FYI – ugliness via email is still ugliness.)

So to all of you Mean Girls – MAN UP!  Stop picking on people because you have an issue.  Stop picking on people who are weaker than you!  Stop being mean because someone else has been mean to you!  Stop being mean because you are too weak to deal with your problems directly.

Your venom seeps through the pores of those around you.  It poisons the air.  It will poison you.  Find the courage to deal with whatever is hurting you, whatever is bothering you, whatever is angering you.  Don’t be weak and deal with whatever it is face-to-face.  You may find new friends.  You will be happier and you will build others up and create a better world.  This will have a great impact than attending Sunday Services, than donating to charity, than a friendly wave to a neighbor. 

For the record – I have had “Mean Girl” days when I’ve let the world get to me.  I like to think that I’ve had a lot more non-ugly days, but I am sorry and ashamed of those times when I haven’t been affirming.

Thanks for listening – I feel better now. 🙂

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